• Posted by: Mutea Rukwaru
  • Category: blog,, training
Training at Its Best

Excellence is an art won by training.
When there is change the inevitable consequence is the need to learn. Changes may be the results of new working practices, the general development and changing aspirations of people or the result of the introduction of new technology. Such changes may require people to learn new knowledge and skills, and accompany this with changes in attitudes. Also, people often have to unlearn redundant knowledge, skills and attitudes which are inappropriate to the changed working environment. This might be an unnerving experience for people accustomed to established practices learned over a working life.

When using words such as “change” and “learning” in reference to work, the following factors should be considered:
– The kind of change being introduced.
– The demand these changes will make on peoples’ performance.
– The precise details of the knowledge, skills and attitudes people will need to learn to enable them to cope with changes.
– The time needed for people to learn.
– The cost consequences of people failing to learn.
In many cases the terms “learning” and “training” are usually used interchangeably but there is a clear distinction between them.
Is there a difference between helping people “learn” and “training” them?


To learn more on training, buy my book Training at Its Best

Strong in the Storm

  • Posted by: Mutea Rukwaru
  • Category: blog




Marriage is one of the oldest institutions in the world. It is an institution bedeviled with a lot of challenges. It is ironical that you are given a marriage certificate without having graduated. You don’t even graduate in the college of marriage. There are no leaves, half terms or holidays. Marriage is a relationship and all relationships have disagreements. How successful relationships are has a lot to do with how those disagreements are handled. Most of the problems encountered in marriage is due to the fantasy we have about marriage life.


From the moment Romeo sets his eyes on Juliet to the fairy-tale climax when Cinderella captures her prince, young people are taught that falling in love is the one and only essential requirement for marriage. If you wish to make your marriage work, then the love between you can’t simply be based on feelings. That’s because feelings change like moods. If romance were the sole factor determining the duration of a union, most marriages would end in less than a year. Love must be both a feeling and a decision.


Most marital relationships are weakened by the issues of sex, money, identity and extended family members. In today’s world time is becoming elusive. Remember a time a husband and wife devote to one another determines the quality of their relationship. The stresses of life whether they are financial, parental, family related or work related can negatively impact on marriage and lead to unnecessary arguments. Spouses who don’t prioritize their time together get caught in the trap of drifting away from one another due to the pressures of life. As time goes on and children get older and jobs become demanding you may not realize that your needs are changing and you dread change. With time you will find that by investing in your marriage and spending time with one another, you will limit the number of disagreements you have. Your sexual life will improve and you are less likely to be involved in extramarital affairs.


The quality of your marriage is the single most important factor in raising healthy, well-adjusted children. Husbands and wives who love and respect each other raise children who have healthy values, self-esteem and good relationship skills. Wives should not neglect their husbands. Remember your husband was there before your children were born and he’ll be there long after your children have moved on in life. If you show contempt toward your husband, your daughter will treat her husband that way and your son will expect his wife to have contempt for him. Your husband needs to occupy the number one spot in your heart. You cannot place your children or extended family ahead of him in your heart. If you don’t put him first, not only will that injure him, but it will destroy your relationship and eventually make him run away and this will harm the lives of your children. Oftentimes men feel like they only get their wife’s attention after everyone else the kids, the pets and the women have had their needs met. He gets what’s left over after everyone else is taken care off.


It is also important to note that happily married spouses are satisfied with their sexual relationships. A spouse who makes you feel important, who is kind, gentle, exciting and good with children and who is sexually satisfying and prone to sexual experimentation most powerfully influences your marital satisfaction. You can add zest to your love life by enhancing appeal as a spouse by having more intimate conversations and by showing more consideration and non sexual affection. Then add some novelty and creativity to your lovemaking. Sex is so critical in marriage and any relationship at marriage level devoid of it is at risk. Sex can heal illnesses and alleviate depression. From a man’s perspective, there are not many things more important than sex. Sex not only fulfils a physical need in men and women but it also fulfils a psychological need. In reference to men sex heals a man the same way food, sleep and medicine can heal an injured sick body. Men are intensely physical and so the physical act of sex plays a big role in their lives. Women enjoy sex nearly as much as men do-they just don’t obsess it quite as much. It is of interest to note that if a man’s wife is not interested in him physically for whatever reason, of which probably it isn’t necessarily her fault, and some young girls come along who shows an interest in him as a man, many men are easily swayed into having these needs fulfilled. Some of it may be due to ego, but much of that need involves the fact that a man cannot feel truly loved if he is not having his physical needs met. When both men and women are satisfied sexually they will all be having satisfied marriage lives.


Sex is such a great power in the world. But it is women who have tremendous sexual power. What does this power look like? What are the dynamics of sex? Why do spouses stray? Is it a matter of life and death? What are the complex reasons behind extramarital sex? Is sex so critical that without proper handling families will degenerate to the primordial times where “sexual punalua” (“sexual communism”) was the practice? Take an exciting walk through “strong in the storm” to find answers to this life’s maze. When you unearth the mystery of this labyrinth, then you will be in a position to advice colleagues, friends and those in the byways of orchestra of life how to paddle this tricky canoe. In a nutshell, a husband and wife should sail the seas of life in the same boat, rowing together, trimming the sails together and making sure the whole operation runs smoothly together, but ironically many spouses are actually in two different boats. Yet the two won’t truly become one until they do get into the same boat.

Love Triangle

  • Posted by: Mutea Rukwaru
  • Category: blog

Love is one of the strong emotional expression of any human being. Ideally this love should only be between two people or what we call a dyad relationship. If a third person come in between dire consequences results.

Love triangle refers to two people independently romantically linked with a third, it usually implies that each of the three people. It is a relationship which is unsuitable to one or more of the people involved. One person typically ends up feeling betrayed at some point for instance person X is jealous of person Z who is having a relationship with person Y who in persons X’s eyes, is “his” person.

In many cases love triangles have been known to lead to murder or suicide committed by the actual or perceived rejected lover. This relationship can be represented in geometric terms in a triangle we call eternal triangle

This eternal triangle is represented by three parts – jealous mate (A) in a relationship with an unfaithful partner (B) who has a lover (C). A feels abandoned, B is between two mates and C is a catalyst for crisis in the union A-B.

A collusive network is always needed to keep the triangle eternal. This may take a tragic form and there is no prospect of its ending except with death – the death of one of three people or two people.

Love triangles are a popular theme in entertainment, especially in opera , romance, novels, soap operas, romantic comedies and popular music.

Love Triangle

In Kenya incidents of love triangle have recently been witnessed with tragic end.

In Migori Kenya, a jilted man allegedly killed his wife by strangling her. Residents were shocked to discover the body of a woman at her house in Mbwa kali village. It was alleged that the man was bitter after realizing that the wife of seven years was seeing another man (see Standard newspaper June 27,2013).

Recently it was reported in one of our local dailies how one woman conspired to get her husband killed after suspecting him. And in a more sensational story last week is the death of a man who was supposedly to have been a lover of a senior politician’s wife. His death has left many Kenyans with their mouth agape (wide open).Who might have killed him, the husband of the lover, or the lover herself? Or the fourth person probably a lady came in the picture. I hope we will get the answer as events unfold (See DNA of July 5, 2013 and DNA July 2, 2013)

There is s possibility of a fourth person having been involved in the case of the senior politician. It is what we can call a love rectangle (quadrangle or quad) which is a term used to describe a romantic relationship that involves four people. Love rectangles tend to be more complicated than love triangles. Love triangle has an effect in a relationship. It adds another dimension to the already difficult task of recreating balance in a troubled relationship. Two people become a couple when they each perceive there is a balance in the equity of the relationship. When the third party comes in the other one feels unloved and jealousy crops in. The unconnected partner seeks to undermine the triangle and the balancing act becomes complex. This drama widens the emotional connection of the couple and the marriage relationship becomes less important. Divorce and death may also result apart from the emotional disconnect.

As we experience more of social change we expect also to witness more of love triangles if not quadrangles or quad. But to a counselor or a sociologists, the lingering question is what motivates a person to be involved in a love triangle?

A person can be involved in the love triangle due to motivations such as support, sexual desire, preserving, marriage, promoting self reliance, personal growth or responsibility, revenge and humiliation.

In conclusion it is important to note that apart from jealousy, emotional disconnect, divorce and death, the children may find themselves in catch 22 who are they going to relate with? But of great irony is that most third parties feel self righteous about their emotional involvement.